


Levi Hates Children

by EllaBesmirched (El_Bell)



Series: Pledge AU [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Professor Erwin Smith, adopting babies, everyone growing up and having babies, lots of emotions, surgeon levi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-22
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2019-08-27 18:28:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16707757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/El_Bell/pseuds/EllaBesmirched
Summary: A series of stories about how Erwin and Levi find their family.





	1. Isabel

**Author's Note:**

> I can't stop writing about them, hope that's cool.

Levi hates children. He’d hated them when he was one and he hates them now. They are sticky and loud and needy. 

This one is very needy, but she’s not loud right now. 

Levi hates children.

He hates when they are on his table, so painfully small even his delicate, steady hands are always a hair away from catastrophe. He hates when an entire life is sliced open at his fingertips. 

Not like old men with families in the waiting room. 

Not like mothers or fathers or sisters or uncles. 

Not like friends with so many threads tying them to someone else. 

An _entire_ life.

The little thing he’s staring at is the middle of a spiral that hasn’t grown yet, a tiny seed, a _start._ A start with _so much_ to come next. 

Levi hates children.

He hates them so much it makes his chest ache. 

He hates even more that he has to do this. Of all the specialties for him to stumble into, all the directions his life has forced him to follow, pediatric surgery is the last turn he would have taken if he had seen it coming. But what was he supposed to do when the only other surgeon in the hospital capable of doing this was out of town for the holidays? What was he supposed to do when a car accident mutilated twin toddler boys and they’d needed two sets of hands? What was he supposed to do when there was simply no one else who could help? 

If he’d known he would wind up here, wind up with people referring to him as _one of the best pediatric surgeons in the state_ when he’d never made _any_ attempt to claim the specialty, he’d have picked a different profession all together. _I don’t specialize in pediatrics,_ he kept saying. But children kept needing help. And Levi kept being relentlessly good at his job. 

Levi fucking hates children. 

This one is small, even for her age, which is only a few weeks. 

She’d been in a car accident. Halfway through the procedure, Levi lifts his head, rolls his neck, lets one of the nurses hold up a bottle of water with a straw so he can drink and asks almost absently, “How’s the mother?” 

The nurse frowns sadly. She doesn’t need to tell Levi more. 

So Levi goes back to work. 

He hates children.

But this one isn’t going to die. 

*

She doesn’t die. 

Levi doesn’t learn her name until a day later, when he’s following up in the NICU. 

Isabel. 

Isabel is small for her age. She has brown skin and brilliant blue eyes. On the third day when Levi goes to check on her, he finds her awake. She stares up at him and he has the strangest thought that she has Erwin’s eyes.

Of course, most babies do. And she’s small enough still that her eyes may get darker. They probably will, given how brown her skin is. 

*

On the fourth day, Petra looks up at him when he walks into the nursery. 

“That’s four days in a row you’ve come to visit us, Dr. Ackerman,” she teases. Intensive care is her wheelhouse. She rotates between the ICU and the NICU, but Levi knows she prefers to be here. 

“I’m following up with my patient,” Levi says defensively.

Petra narrows her eyes at him. 

Levi frowns and goes to read Isabel’s chart. 

“She got a family?” he wonders aloud as he checks over her vital signs. 

“Just a father,” Petra says sadly. “He says it was just him and his wife.”

“Where is he?” Levi asks. Usually when an infant is hurt like this, the parent never leaves their side. But Levi hasn’t seen anyone but hospital staff tending to the kid. 

Petra frowns again. “He’s. Struggling. His wife…”

Levi looks at her. 

“He hasn’t been by much,” she admits. 

Isabel is sleeping fitfully. She keeps clenching her little fists, turning her head. Levi frowns and looks over her chart one more time. She opens her mouth and squeals, and Levi finds himself laying his hand against her chest before Petra can get to her. She opens her eyes, stares at him, and cries. 

It is what made him a good medical student and what makes him a better doctor, his complete lack of hesitation. It is how he chose to be a surgeon, right from the start, right from the moment he’d completed his first laceration suture and the attending had told him he had steady hands, had he ever considered surgery? 

So he doesn’t hesitate now, to lift the baby carefully from her crib, because that is what crying babies need, and even though she’d shown signs of pain, she can’t have another dose of her medication for another hour. He shushes her softly, and when he lifts his eyes to Petra she is watching him with the strangest look on her face. 

The baby calms. Levi hastily hands her off to one of the women who work here, and then he leaves. 

*

That night when he gets home, Erwin asks him what’s wrong. He admits he doesn’t know. Erwin stares at him for a long time before he says, “That baby I worked on last week, the one in the car accident. Her mother was killed.” 

“Yes?”

“Her name is Isabel.” 

Erwin frowns at first and the offers Levi a gentle smile. Levi blushes, feels like a fool. 

“Mom dead. Dad can’t look at her I guess,” Levi mutters. 

“What do you mean?”

“Petra says he hasn’t been by much.” And then, he hisses, “It’s _so_ fucked up.” 

“He’s grieving,” Erwin says reasonably. 

Levi scoffs. “Babies are fucking-- they’re _delicate,_ they need _attention_ from their parents. Ignoring little babies like that, it-- it fucks ‘em up when they’re grown. And the NICU, I mean, they take _care_ of those kids, but they don’t have the time to give _every single_ one the attention--” He stops ranting and looks away. “He’s being _selfish,_ he’s a fucking shit head. Get over yourself, your kid needs you.” 

“Thought you hated kids,” Erwin teases him. 

“I _do._ That doesn’t mean I think they should fucking be, fucking _ignored_ by their shit-for-brains fuck-up dead beat dads.”

“It’s only been a few days--”

“This is why I don’t want kids,” Levi grouses. “It’s too fucking easy to fuck ‘em up.”

“You turned out okay,” Erwin tells him with a smirk. 

“Yeah, well, my mom loved me.” 

Erwin turns his head, blinking a little, and Levi feels his heart sink. 

“Sorry.” 

“For what?” Erwin says innocently. 

Levi blinks at him very slowly before he says, “I just mean, I had, you know, lots of attention when I was that age. I assume.” 

“He’ll come around,” Erwin says. You gave her the best shot she’s got. Now you’ve gotta trust the people closest to her to do the rest.”

Levi tosses and turns all night and isn’t sure he trusts _anyone_ to do any such thing. 

*

He finds himself visiting that little baby every damn day. He doesn’t see her father once. _Not once._ It’s stupid and he shouldn’t be wasting his time-- he’s got other patients to worry about, adult patients who can actually tell him when they’re in pain, or when their meds are making them nauseated, or when their appetite is gone. 

And still, at the start and end of every fucking shift he wanders up to the NICU nursery.

She heals well, and fast. She’s strong. Once, Petra is just about to give her a bottle when one of the other infants starts to code. She puts Isabel in Levi’s arms and goes over to help, so Levi feeds her because what else can he do? There are enough people helping with the other baby; Petra gets him breathing again, and stable, so she doesn’t need Levi’s help. 

She wanders back over to Levi after the infant is stabilized, and stares at him for a long time. 

“What.”

“When do you get off?” Petra asks innocently. 

Levi adjusts the baby in his arms to check his watch. “An hour ago.” 

Petra nods carefully. “She’s sleeping.” 

“Yeah.” 

She pats Levi on the shoulder, and the goes to check on the other babies. 

“She’s beautiful.” 

Levi lifts his head and realizes he has been sitting here for longer than he meant to. He finds a thin woman with frizzy hair and tired eyes looking at him. 

Levi shrugs one shoulder. “Kinda cute. I guess.” 

“She looks… healthy,” the woman says with a little smile. She is wearing a hospital gown over her clothes. Levi tries not to frown at her. 

“She should be able to go home soon,” he says. 

The woman’s chin quivers a little when she says, “That’s _wonderful._ You must be so relieved.”

Levi blinks at her. “Uh.”

And then he stands from the chair he’s been sitting in. “She’s not mine,” he says hastily. “I’m just her doctor. Surgeon.”

“Oh,” the woman says. “I’ve just seen you around. You’re the only one who comes to visit her.”

Levi grinds his jaw. And then he makes his excuses and leaves. 

*

He signs off on Isabel’s discharge. Petra smiles sadly at him, tells him she’ll let the father know he can take her home now. Levi leaves with a sour taste in his mouth. 

*

At the end of his shift, she pages him. 

When he comes into the NICU a short man he has never seen before is leaning over Isabel’s crib with his fingers on her chest. A woman in a business suit stands next to him. Levi recognizes her; she’s a government rep who is often in the hospital, a family advocate. 

Petra appears at his side. 

“Mr. Thompson has decided to give Isabel up for adoption,” she tells him gently. 

Levi furrows his brows. “What?” 

“He has no family. Wife was the primary source of income for the household. He doesn’t feel equipped to care for her alone.” 

“That’s _bullshit,”_ Levi snaps. The woman in the suit turns to look at him. 

“She’s being discharged,” Petra tells him. “Into the care of the state.” 

Levi doesn’t know why Petra is telling him this. Is she _trying_ to piss him off? 

“You can’t do this,” he hisses loud enough that both the rep and the father can hear him. 

“Levi,” Petra says quietly, hand on his arm. 

“Who are you?” Mr. Thompson asks, voice a little choked. 

“I’m--” Levi draws up short. 

“Dr. Ackerman is the surgeon who saved Isabel’s life,” Petra says pointedly, stepping forward. “She would have died.” 

Mr. Thompson throws his arms around Levi’s shoulders and Levi is so stunned he doesn’t move. 

“ _Thank you--”_

Then Levi pushes him away. “You _can’t_ do this--”

“Dr. Ackerman,” the government rep says sternly. “You need to--”

“I can’t,” Mr. Thompson says quietly. “She looks. I can’t.” 

“She’s your _daughter.”_

Mr. Thompson shakes his head. “I can’t. Not alone. I can’t. She’ll be better off.”

Levi shakes his head _hard._ “You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.” 

“ _Dr. Ackerman--”_

“Don’t,” Levi says sharply, looking at the rep. “I fucking know the foster system, okay, you can’t do that to her.” 

Mr. Thompson looks at Levi with tired, hopeless eyes and Levi realizes with a sick sinking in his gut that there is nothing he can say to change his mind. They’re going to put Isabel in foster care. _Hope_ she finds a good family to adopt her, and Levi knows it’s more likely for a little baby to be adopted than a fucking _five_ year old like he was, but he’s seen enough homes, been through enough shit to know that there are more bad than good. There has to be. Otherwise he was just _so_ unlucky and he can’t think anyone could have luck that fucking terrible. 

Levi can’t let them do that to her. 

He _can’t._

_*_

“Erwin!”

Levi stands in the front doorway, in the dark, with his back against the door. 

“Erwin!”

He feels like he can’t step into the house. 

“What, what’s wrong?” Erwin comes racing down the stairs, drawn by the sheer panic in Levi’s voice. He has finger tracks in his hair, and he’s not wearing his arm. Levi guesses he was just about to get into the shower, like he always does when he gets home from work. 

“I did something stupid,” Levi hisses. 

Erwin draws up short. 

Levi can’t look at him when he holds Isabel up, hands under her arms, face toward Erwin. 

Erwin doesn’t say anything. 

“He was gonna give her up,” Levi hisses. “He was putting her in the system, I couldn’t, she can’t, not, Erwin, she’s so small.” 

Erwin takes one very careful step forward. “Levi. Why is there an infant in our house.” 

“I said I’d take her,” Levi hisses. “God, I was _so stupid,_ I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’ll bring her back tomorrow, I just--”

“Levi.” 

“He wanted to put her up for adoption. They’d put her in foster care,” Levi says again. “I panicked.”

“You hate kids. You told me. You told me you hate kids and you don’t want kids.” 

“I _do._ I mean, I don’t. Want.” 

“He just… gave her to you.” 

Levi nods miserably. Isabel fusses a little at the way Levi is holding her up, so he puts her to his chest instead. “He _freaked_ when I said-- I fucking _blurted--_ he was so excited, kept saying, you’re a _doctor,_ you can _take care of her._ And the child care advocate said she thought it was a great idea, and we should set up a private adoption instead, it’ll go faster, and I could take her home tonight, and I just fucking--”

“Levi,” Erwin says very carefully. “Are you telling me. You want to adopt this baby.” 

“ _No,”_ Levi says. “We can’t. We can’t _adopt_ a baby, Erwin, we can’t. Can we?” 

Erwin swallows. And then he says. “Can I.” He motions with his hand. “Can you.” 

Levi blinks at him and it takes him a second to realize what Erwin is asking. 

And then he moves, hastily arranges Isabel in the crook of Erwin’s arm for him. Erwin sits back on the stairs and doesn’t say anything. He just stares at her. 

“I’m so sorry,” Levi says. “Erwin, I fucked up, I know, I’ll call the advocate tomorrow and she can come pick her up--”

“ _Don’t you dare.”_

Levi draws up short. “What?”

“ _Don’t you dare,_ Levi.” 

Levi looks at Erwin and sees his shoulders shaking. He adjusts his arm a little and bends his head lower. Isabel lifts her tiny little hands and tries to grab at his face. 

“Erwin.” 

“You can’t _take her back.”_

Levi swallows and moves to sit on the stairs beside Erwin. They sit in silence, staring at the tiny little thing Erwin has cupped in the crook of his arm. She peers up at Erwin a little sleepily, makes a few of the soft sounds happy babies make. 

Erwin turns and buries his face in Levi’s shoulder and cries.

“ _Baby,”_ Levi hisses. He’s _never_ seen Erwin cry like this. Not fucking _once,_ in the nearly fifteen years they’ve been together. 

“ _She’s so beautiful.”_

Levi twists and wraps his arms around them both, a strange rushing in his ears. He is fairly certain they have both lost their fucking minds. They don’t have the _time_ to take care of a baby, or the… preparation, or-- Levi _never wanted kids._

And yet here one was. And Levi had no idea how, or when it had happened-- if it was the way she’d looked up at him after her surgery, grabbed at his hand with her chubby little fingers, or if it was Erwin, holding her to his chest, bumping his forehead against her since he can’t touch her with his other hand-- but all at once, in a strange singular instant, Levi knows he’d tear a hole in the sky before he let anything happen to her, and before he let anyone take her from him. From _Erwin._

“Her name is Isabel,” he whispers. 

Levi hates children.

But somehow, he already loves this one. 


	2. Farlan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another gratuitously fluffy entry in Levi and Erwin's lives as adults. PLEASE ENJOY. 
> 
> Also about half of this is unbeta'd and my ADD ass had to hold far too many dates (Birthdays and due dates and children's ages and child development and) in my head while writing this so uhhhhhhh. There's that. Hopefully I kept track of all of them and this MAKES SENSE. 
> 
> k ily bai

“You’re being weird,” Levi says finally. Isabel has thrown her stuffed elephant at Erwin’s head about four times since they started eating dinner and Erwin hadn’t chastised her once. He just kept silently picking it back up and setting it on her high chair tray. 

The last time the pacifier/plushy toy had landed on the floor and Levi wrinkled his nose when Erwin didn’t even rinse the pacifier off. He stands and grabs the toy from Isabel who starts to growl at him until he gives her a _look._ “Eat your chicken,” he tells her before he pauses at the sink to rinse off the nipple end of the toy. He sets it on the table beside him when he’s done and Isabel reaches for it, straining at her chair and signing ‘more’ at him. 

“No,” Levi says. “Eat first. You can play when you’re done with dinner.” 

Erwin _still_ hasn’t said anything and Levi finally waves the elephant in his face. “Hello! Earth to Erwin. Fuck is wrong with you?” 

Erwin looks up then and finally gives Levi a chastising sort of glare, eyes flicking over to Isabel. 

“Tch.” 

“Can you at least _try_ not to drop f-bombs in front of our toddler, Levi,” Erwin mutters. “Just make an _attempt.”_

Levi ignores him. “What’s going on? You’re all distracted.” 

Erwin sighs and finally takes a bite of the chicken caprese he’s been poking at for the last fifteen minutes. “I had a meeting with one of my freshmen today,” Erwin mutters. Levi eats some green beans and waits for him to go on. “She’s _eighteen_ and she just found out she’s pregnant.” 

Levi winces. “Is that a good thing?”

“No,” Erwin says. “She. She wanted me to give her _advice.”_

“ _You?”_ Levi says. “Why?”

Erwin sighs and rubs his hand across his face. “I. I dunno, I guess she. Really likes my class. She wanted to talk to me about the paper she’s been working on, but then she just _broke down.”_

“What’d you say?”

“When I got her to stop crying, you mean?” Erwin says a little bitterly. “I don’t know, Levi. I was so out of my depth, but then she asked me about Isabel.”

“ _Isabel?”_

“I guess I’ve mentioned her. Or you, maybe. Or-- I don’t know, those kids know everything. She asked me what adoption was like.” 

“So she wants to put it up for adoption?” 

Erwin shrugs. “Still early. Still doesn’t know.”

“What’d you tell her?”

“I told her I couldn’t give her any advice since I have no fu--flipping idea what she’s going through. But I also told her about Isabel. How it wasn’t exactly a normal adoption but…” Erwin trails off and smiles fondly at the toddler, who is occupying herself with covering her hands in ketchup instead of eating her damn chicken like Levi told her to. 

“Food is for eating, not playing,” Levi snaps. 

Isabel gives him a furious look and yells a series of nonsense sounds ending in “No!”

Erwin furrows his brow and opens his mouth to speak, but Levi cuts him off. “Excuse me, who do you think you’re yelling at?”

Isabel leans forward in her chair, ketchup-y hands spread, and whines about not being able to reach her elephant. “What so you can throw it on the floor again?”

She sits back and _glares_ at him, and Levi signs, ‘Eat.’ 

He looks back at Erwin. “Well, it sounds like you told her the right thing.”

“I suppose,” Erwin sighs. “I told her to visit student health, and the counseling services. I’m halfway tempted to call Dot.” 

“So, why don’t you?”

“Ah, I feel like she confided in me. I probably shouldn’t tell anyone else without her permission, don’t you think?” 

“You’re not a counselor,” Levi points out. 

“I don’t need a legal requirement of confidentiality to feel like I shouldn’t blurt my student’s business all over the place. She trusted me.” 

“Fine--”

Isabel hurls a piece of chicken onto the floor and Levi says, “Okay, that’s enough.” When he takes her out of her high chair, she starts to shriek, reaching back for her food, and Levi and Erwin’s dinner conversation is interrupted by a temper tantrum. Levi rinses her hands off in the sink and puts her in her playpen with a squeezable applesauce so he can finish his dinner in peace before bath time. When he comes back into the kitchen, Erwin is wiping the ketchup from Isabel’s high chair. Isabel stands up against the edge of her playpen and throws another toy on the floor. Levi squeezes his eyes shut; he’s getting a headache. 

“What would you have said?” Erwin asks him. He washes his hand at the sink when he finishes wiping away the ketchup. He sits back down and finally starts eating his chicken in earnest; Isabel is crying and trying unsuccessfully to crawl out of her playpen, but there are no actual tears on her face and every so often she gets distracted and forgets she’s supposed to be throwing a tantrum. 

“If she’s got any lofty ideas about keeping it, you could give her that one for a few hours,” Levi says, jerking his thumb at Isabel over his shoulder. “Clear that _right_ up.” 

Erwin frowns at him. 

Levi thinks _maybe_ he is being a bit grouchier than usual but he’d spent his entire day off juggling Isabel’s bad mood with house work while Erwin had been in class and his patience is hanging on by a very thin thread. 

“I’m being serious,” Erwin complains. 

Levi sighs. “I would have told her what you did. I would have directed her to a family planning program and told her she’s the only one who knows what’s right for her.” 

Erwin sighs again. 

“You’re not an advisor, babe,” Levi says. “Don’t worry about it.” 

“Yeah,” Erwin mutters. “Yeah, I know.”

Levi nods and starts to take a bite of his chicken when Isabel _shrieks_ and he finally drops his fork loudly against the plate and puts his head in his hands as the tiny shred of patience he’s been clinging to all day finally frays. 

Erwin stands immediately. “I got it, eat your dinner.” He kisses Levi on the crown of his head as he passes and whisks Isabel upstairs to have an early bath, leaving Levi in much needed silence. 

*

They both take off work for Isabel’s second birthday party. Levi still thinks it’s pretty fucking pointless to have a party for a two year old, but Erwin keeps telling him it’s really just an excuse for the parents to get together and drink. 

Erwin goes overboard. He orders a cake that almost costs as much as the one they had at their wedding, and wakes up at seven AM to start decorating. Isabel tries to get up and follow him around, because of _course_ she wakes up when Erwin does, but Levi manages to get her to go back to sleep once he brings her into bed with him. If he lets her get up at seven, she’ll need a nap right around cake time and _that_ is a melt down he does not feel like dealing with today. 

He wakes up around 9:30 to Isabel pushing him on the shoulder and saying, “Dad dad dad dad dad,” as if each word is different and means something unique. 

Levi scrubs his hand over his face and squints at her. “What?”

Most of the sounds she makes still sound like nothing, but Levi catches enough to say, “I know it’s your birthday. How old are you?” 

Isabel grins and holds up her hand with some of her fingers curled. 

“Two,” Levi tells her, showing her the proper finger position. 

She takes a second to study him, and then manages to hold up two fingers. 

“Exactly. Let’s go see what Daddy’s up to, huh? He’s been decorating all morning.” 

Isabel climbs out of the bed by herself (she’d yelled at Levi when he tried to help her) and then takes off down the hallway. Levi follows at a more sedate pace and catches up while Isabel is carefully navigating the stairs. 

They find Erwin making cheese and pepperoni puff pastries in the kitchen. The second Isabel toddles into sight, Erwin’s face lights up. It always does. Levi will never get tired of watching it. 

“Hi, angel!” Erwin says, wiping his hand on a towel and dropping to his knees so Isabel can careen into him. He squeezes her back and then says, “Happy birthday!” in the bright, cheerful voice he reserves just for her. 

“Smells good,” Levi says. There is something baking in the oven, and Erwin has hung green and blue decorations all over the kitchen and living room. 

They help him finish, Isabel running circles around the both of them the whole time, and occasionally demanding she be allowed to help. There are a few tangled strips of streamers stuck to the wall in the hallway at about knee height by the time the guests start arriving. 

Mike and Nanaba show up first. She is so pregnant Levi isn’t sure how she’s standing. He’s also convinced she’s carrying twins, but she insists all the ultrasounds only show one baby. It’s just that it’s _Mike’s_ baby.

They open the door while Isabel is sticking yet another streamer to the wall, and the second she sees them, she stops what she’s doing and screams, “ _Naba,”_ at the top of her lungs. She plows into Nanaba’s knees and Mike has to steady his wife with a hand on her back. Nanaba is too enormous to reach Isabel, so Mike lifts her up instead so she can kiss Nanaba on the cheek. 

Erwin’s family arrives all in one car. Eren and Mikasa arrive together, and then Hanji and Moblit. All of them pick at Erwin’s finger foods and drink beer and fawn over Isabel, who is very much enjoying being the center of so much attention. 

They are distracted from her, however, by the arrival of Armin and Jean and the _very_ tiny brown haired baby Armin is carrying. Both men look utterly exhausted and Levi _remembers_ that feeling. It is the first time he’s seen either of them since Avery was born. But when Erwin practically runs to Armin and demands to hold his son, Armin’s face breaks into the sunniest smile. He is probably more careful than he needs to be as he arranges Avery in the crook of Erwin’s arm. He fusses, but Erwin puts up with it and doesn’t even scowl at the way Armin is very obviously concerned by the fact that Erwin can’t hold Avery with both hands. Levi frowns, but doesn’t say anything either. Erwin is just as capable of picking up a baby as anyone here, but Levi _will_ admit it was a tad alarming to watch the first two or three times you saw it. 

And Armin and Jean are still in that stage where they think Avery is made of glass and he’ll shatter if someone sneezes in his direction. Levi got over that the first time Isabel bashed her head on the living room coffee table and only started crying when she realized Erwin was upset. 

Sasha and Connie show up with their gaggle of kids about fifteen minutes later. Sasha is still moving a little slowly, recovering from Avery’s birth. The second she sees him, she whisks him away from Erwin and kisses the top of his head. 

There are too many people in Levi’s house. All five of Sasha and Connie’s kids come charging at him for hugs and he has _no idea_ why since _unlike_ his husband, he has never once asked one of the ragamuffins to touch him. 

It’s nice to see everyone in one room at least. With Levi’s work schedule, it’s hard to make time to see anyone who isn’t Erwin and Isabel. The days he has at home, he’d rather spend with them. But he’d be lying if he said he didn’t miss their friends. Mike and Nanaba are the only ones they see with any regularity, since they’re over for dinner about once a week. 

The day has been progressing very nicely and Levi is catching a rare buzz when Erwin looks down at his phone and his whole face turns white. 

“What’s wrong?” Levi asks instantly, looking away from Isabel who is tearing ferociously into the wrapping paper on Mikasa’s gift. 

“I-- my student--” Erwin mutters. 

Levi waits for him to go on.

“She wants to meet with me Monday. She-- I guess she decided not to, uh, terminate the pregnancy.” 

“What’s going on?” Sasha interrupts, a half eaten cookie in her hand and a three year old hanging from her knee. 

Erwin tells Sasha about his student while Levi takes Mikasa’s gift out of Isabel’s hands. 

“That’s not funny. You’re not cute,” Levi tells her. 

“What?” Mikasa asks, spreading her hands. 

“She’s _two,_ you maniac. She doesn’t need a fucking _collapsible baton.”_

“She’s gotta learn sometime,” Mikasa counters, a wicked gleam in her eyes. 

“She’s _my kid,_ Mikasa, she’s not gonna _need_ a shittin baton cause she’s gonna know how to kill a man with her little finger. But Erwin says we don’t start assault training until she’s at least four,” Levi adds. It’s actually mostly true. Erwin had forbidden Levi from enrolling Isabel in any martial arts courses or showing her any self defense techniques until she can spell her own name. 

When he returns to Erwin’s side he finds Sasha looking at Erwin with a very knowing expression on her face. 

“I just…” Erwin is saying. 

Sasha smiles and nods, and then says, “And what about you?” 

“What?” Levi asks. 

“What do you think about Erwin’s… student.” 

Levi frowns. “I dunno, it’s not really my place--” 

And then he sees the look on Erwin’s face. He thinks of the way Erwin had held Avery to his chest, and he thinks of how much Sasha’s kids love Erwin, and how he’d been worried lately that Isabel wasn’t getting enough play time with kids her own age. And he thinks of the way Erwin has been trying to say something to him every night for the past three weeks and Levi had been trying to let him take his time, to come to Levi when he was ready, and--

“Can I _talk to you_ for a minute?” Levi demands. 

Erwin ducks his head, and follows Levi into the first floor guest bedroom. 

“You can’t be serious,” Levi hisses. 

“What?” Erwin tries. “I didn’t say--”

“You want-- Erwin, we _barely_ have time for one kid, and Isabel’s just about out of diapers and you wanna start all over again?” 

Erwin holds up his phone, an odd gleam in his eye, and says, “She says she had a dream it was a boy.” 

It freezes Levi in his tracks. And he… _why?_ What does that have to do with anything? And a fucking _dream_ at that--

Levi shakes his head because he’s not sure what else he’s supposed to say. Erwin pats him on the shoulder, face unreadable, and returns to the party. 

*

It lives in Levi’s head for weeks. Erwin doesn’t mention it again and Levi pretends it all never happened. Isabel is enough. Isabel is all Levi needs and all he wants. He has his family. His husband and daughter and they are _happy_ and watching Erwin love her makes Levi love him more every day. 

Another child is. Is not a good idea. 

It’s not. 

*

“Doctor Ackerman?” 

Levi jumps a little and then feels stupid. He must be getting old, if nurses can sneak up on him while he’s lost in thought, perusing a patient chart and running a surgical procedure in his head. 

“Yeah?” 

“You’ve got a phone call. It’s your daughter’s day care.” 

Levi checks his watch and takes the call immediately; the daycare would have called Erwin first, Levi second, and Mike after that. Erwin probably turned his cell phone off while he was in class, probably forgot that they’d talked about this and determined that Erwin was more easily able to leave work to get Isabel if something was wrong than Levi was. 

It just so happens that Levi doesn’t have any surgeries scheduled for today. 

Levi answers the phone and then hangs it up less than a minute later with a huff and a roll of his eyes. 

“Everything okay?” the nurse asks with lifted brows.

“My kid bit someone,” Levi grumbles. He dials Erwin’s cell, but it goes straight to voicemail; Levi tries to recall Erwin’s schedule, and leaves the hospital fifteen minutes later. 

Isabel gives no indication that she’d done anything wrong when Levi arrives to pick her up. Levi even tries to get her talking in the car, but she is far too excited about seeing Levi in the middle of the day to care for his stern talking to. 

By the time they arrive on campus, by Levi’s count, Erwin’s class should be letting out in fifteen minutes; Levi will leave Isabel with him and get back to the hospital for the rest of his shift, having been gone for barely an hour. 

Levi slips into Erwin’s lecture hall with Isabel in his arms and intends to sit quietly and watch Erwin teach for the last ten minutes or so of his class. Isabel keeps squirming, making frustrated little grunts and grabbing at the floor, so Levi sets her on the ground at his feet when he takes a seat. The student he’d slipped in beside gives him a slightly amused and slightly confused look, and then looks back to Erwin. 

He’d been fiddling with his projector, the whole class silent while he made some adjustment, and the second he starts talking again, Isabel looks around sharply, and then she is _gone._ She dashes out into the aisle, slips out of the lazy grab Levi makes for her, and charges down the aisle toward the front of the lecture hall, screaming, “ _Daddy,”_ at the top of her lungs. 

She only gets a few feet before Levi leans out and catches her again, but the damage is done. Erwin looks toward the back of the room in confusion, all the students turn their heads, and then Erwin grins. 

“Hi, baby!” 

Levi winces when the girls who have crowded into the first three rows of the lecture hall all _aww_ at the same time. He tries to wave Erwin off, tell him to get back to his lecture, but Erwin shakes his head a little and motions with his arm, and Levi rolls his eyes before he lets Isabel go. 

Erwin doesn’t miss a beat, after that. He scoops her up when she charges down to him, mutters something to her that Levi can’t hear, and then goes right back to his lecture, only now he occasionally pauses and looks at Isabel before he says, “Right?” 

She yanks on his tie and declares an enthusiastic, “ _Right,”_ much to the delight of the gathered students. 

Erwin does dismiss the class a few minutes early though, and as all the students are filtering out, Levi weaves his way to the front of the room. 

Erwin and Isabel still have an audience, but Erwin looks past them to Levi. Levi can see the silent question in his expression, but he can’t quite break from the students huddling around him. 

“Two and a half,” Erwin is saying with a wide smile. “And she should be in daycare.” His eyes slip past the student who is cooing at Isabel and grabbing her hand and land on Levi. “Everything alright, babe?” 

Levi feels too many eyes swing toward him and his voice goes flat when he says, “Little brat bit some kid on the cheek.” 

Erwin’s face falls. “ _Isabel._ We don’t _bite our friends.”_

“Yeah, good luck,” Levi tells him. “She’s pretending she doesn’t remember.” 

Erwin rolls his eyes a little, and then wordlessly motions for Levi to take the kid out of his arm so he can pack up his things. Isabel starts wining and reaching for Erwin and Levi mutters, “Daddy’s girl,” a little resentfully under his breath. 

Someone hears him, and laughs. Levi turns his head and finds himself looking into a pair of warm brown eyes framed by long dirty blond hair. 

“He seems like he’s really great with her,” the girl says with a wide smile. She’s taller than Levi and so young Levi feels a strange whoosh of vertigo looking at her. This is a college student? This is what Erwin’s _students_ look like? 

She’s also easily at least six months pregnant. 

Levi suddenly feels very alone in the cluster of milling students. “He is,” he mutters. “Better’n me at least.” 

“You’re his husband?” 

Levi nods. 

“He says you’re a great dad,” the girl informs him curtly. 

Levi says, “You must be--” What was it? “Jamie.” 

She smiles. “Yeah. He--” She looks at Erwin and blushes visibly before she glances at her feet, hands locked in front of her and fingers twisted together. 

Isabel intrudes on the strange quiet by reaching for the floor again and huffing furiously that Levi is still daring to hold her. He puts her down _again_ , and keeps his eyes on her when he mutters, “So. When are you due?” 

She gives him a date. Less than three months from now. “Erwin said you were uh. Gonna. Er. Considering adoption.” 

“Yeah,” Jamie tells him, hands coming to rest a little awkwardly on her hips. “Only, I kinda want--”

“Isabel!” Levi looks up when he hears Erwin’s stern voice-- Isabel had been about to put _something_ in her mouth and Levi hadn’t even noticed. Erwin hands Levi his bag and then picks her up again and she giggles. Levi wonders if she just likes being up high-- higher than he can take her. 

“I should get back to the hospital,” Levi mutters before Erwin can get a word in. The students are mostly gone now, or not bothering Erwin at least. “Sorry to drop her on you.”

“No, no, sorry my phone was off,” Erwin says. “Did they call you, or Mike?” 

“They got me. I gotta go. See you tonight.” Levi squeezes Isabel’s hand as Erwin bends down and kisses Levi on the cheek. Then Levi looks at Jamie and says, “Nice to meet you.” 

He leaves before she can say anything else, and before he can watch the way Erwin looks at her, the fondness in his eyes, and the sickening, dizzying hope. 

By the time Levi gets home that night, there is no question anymore. There is no decision to make. There is no conversation to be had. 

He takes a shower, and after they put Isabel to bed, Levi angles into the guest bedroom beside hers and looks around. Erwin follows him in, quiet and respectful like he has been all night. He knows Levi is thinking and he doesn’t want to press him. 

“The walls are okay,” he says. 

Erwin comes to stand beside him. 

“Small though.”

“I considered using some of your closet space to expand this room when we first moved in,” Erwin says mildly. “Since you only use about half of it anyway.”

Levi frowns. “Can we do that much work in three months? We can’t have half finished construction with a shittin infant in the room. And he’s not sleeping in our room, not like with Isabel, I can’t risk being tired on the jo--” 

Erwin kisses him. 

It is the kind of kiss that Levi will remember for the rest of his life. Like the first one, like the one he stole in Zeke’s ‘office’ when they were still practically children in a time Levi would rather forget, like the one when Levi told him he was going to be a surgeon, and the one on their wedding day, and the one when Erwin told Levi he got tenure, and the first one after Isabel came home. Levi loves that those kisses are stacking up, that he can mark every turn in his life with Erwin’s devotion. 

And this now. 

Another baby. A boy. 

The weight Levi has been trying to ignore stops pressing on Levi’s chest, becomes a comfort instead, and he wonders why he ever tried to talk Erwin out of this. Erwin is too stubborn, too assured to ever speak something like that aloud without knowing it will be. Levi isn’t sure if Erwin spoke it because it should be so, or if was so because he had spoken it, but he does know he was a fool for fighting it. The weight lifts. This is natural. This is an inevitability. This was always meant to be. 

Levi has never gone in much for destiny, but everything with Erwin feels that way. Sometimes he is convinced he is living someone else’s life, is being swept along, helpless, by some invisible tide. And then he wonders when the universe will realize it has given him more than he deserves, more than was ever meant for him. 

Sometimes when it is dark and Erwin isn’t beside him, he searches for the cracks in the world that will show him he doesn’t belong. Sometimes when it is dark and Erwin isn’t beside him, he replays those kisses in his head and laughs at how absurd it is. Levi Ackerman. A surgeon _?_ A husband? A _father?_

His therapist tells him that’s the anxiety talking but he doesn’t really believe her. 

“Lee.” 

He blinks into the dark of the guest bedroom and looks in Erwin’s eyes, and. 

It’s funny, really. 

All the other things-- the job and the house and the fucking financial security and the _kid--_ kids-- there are moments when it all feels like smoke, like he has squeezed himself into someone else’s outline and is just playing a part very, very well. 

But then he looks at Erwin and knows that no matter what he has stolen from the universe, this was always meant to be his. 

*

Levi is working when he gets the call-- it is Erwin, breathlessness and excitement and concerned all rolled up into two words: “It’s time.” 

Levi goes to Petra. They haven’t spoken about it, but Levi knows she has pulled every string available to her. Jamie is put in the fanciest birthing suite the hospital has available, and Petra is there to assist Jamie’s OBGYN, and Erwin and Levi wait outside for hours, a very annoyed and fussy Isabel in tow. Erwin goes in and out of the room when requested-- Jamie’s mother, Eve is there, and Levi thinks it’s strange that Jamie’s _college professor_ should be in the room while she’s in labor, but at the same time, he knows adoptive parents are often present for the births of their children. There is something a little odd about Erwin and Jamie’s relationship anyway-- although Erwin doesn’t see it. Levi suspects she has feelings for him-- at least some kind of crush, and it makes him strangely sad to think about. 

Petra is the one to call Levi and Erwin into the room together, when it’s all over, when all the nurses and other doctors have left and Jamie and the baby have been tended to. Isabel is asleep on Levi’s shoulder, and Levi hangs back a bit, feels strange in a stranger’s birthing suite. 

Eve puts the baby in the crook of Erwin’s arm. 

Jamie is the one who asks, “What’s his name?” She sounds tired, voice hoarse. Eve appears at Levi’s side and says quietly, “Let me take your daughter for you.” 

Levi does, and waits for Erwin to answer. There hadn’t been much discussion about names. Truth be told, Levi doesn’t really care. He can’t say that out loud though, knows how careless it sounds even though it is actually the opposite-- a name won’t change how he feels about the kid. They’d talked once about naming him after Erwin’s dad, or grandfather, and that was all there had been-- after Levi mentioned there was no way in hell ‘Kenneth’ should be in the running. 

Erwin says very quietly, “I was thinking Farlan.” 

Levi feels everything in the room go still. 

“Farlan Era.” 

He is looking at Levi. 

Wordlessly, because he feels like he might choke if he opens his mouth, Levi nods. He stands in the middle of the room, with Jamie and Eve and Petra and Erwin staring at him, and it is Petra who rolls her eyes and mutters, “Oh, for God’s sake.” She pushes Levi between the shoulderblades toward Erwin, and the last thing Levi notices before he sees that baby is Eve muttering under her breath, “Quiet little thing, isn’t he?” 

“You have no idea,” Petra says.

Levi doesn’t have time to shoot her a dirty look. There’s the baby. There’s. 

Farlan. 

For years there has been a series of images associated with that name. A boy with his head thrown back, frozen forever in laughter. A _child_ with a blade in his hand and determination in his eyes. A body growing cold on the street.

Levi looks at the tiny pink baby and the last two images seem to cloud over, leave only the first. And then this. 

His son. 

Levi says, “Fucking bastard.” 

Erwin’s eyebrows draw together. 

“How the fuck do both of our _adopted_ children look like you?” 

“Meant to be,” Jamie says. 

Levi rolls his eyes and takes Farlan from Erwin without thinking about it, like he used to do with Isabel all the time, except-- this is not Isabel. He’s smaller than Isabel was, by the time Levi knew her. There is something strange about knowing that Farlan is named for _Farlan._ Isabel’s name was a coincidence and somehow that created distance. 

Isabel makes a sound and Levi looks around, realizes Petra has slipped out of the room. Isabel sits up on Eve’s shoulder and gives her a suspicious look before she leans toward Levi and Erwin and holds out her arms. 

“Look, angel,” Erwin says quietly, hand on Levi’s back steering him toward Eve. “This is your brother. This is Farlan.” 

Isabel focuses on the baby all of a sudden and stops craning away from the strange woman holding her. Her eyes are very wide. 

Levi looks between Isabel’s bright blue eyes, and then down at Farlan, and can’t help but think how proud _they_ would be, how happy to share names with such perfect little brats. 


	3. Tony and Andy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! This chapter contains discussions of spousal abuse and murder.

Levi lets his head fall back on his shoulders, hands splayed over Erwin's chest, fingers curling into Erwin's skin at the slow creeping heat building under Levi's. He forces himself to lean back, lets all his weight sink low and feels his chest seize up at the deep, luxurious press inside. Erwin's voice catches in his throat, a soft sharp gasp of air, and his fingers dig into Levi's hip, just once, before he lifts his chin and relaxes again. Levi rises up on his knees again, fights his whole body when he cants his hips back. It is so rare they are both home and in bed early enough to waste time like this, to spend countless unspooling minutes curled up in each other. Careers and children tend to suck up every spare second. 

Levi doesn't know how long they've been at this, and he is even less sure how much longer he can go. He is holding back a tidal wave of heat and quivering muscle, forcing every part of himself to relax, inch by inch, so they can hold onto this for as long as they can. 

It is getting harder and harder not to pick up his pace, or hold his breath, or curl his toes. He's better at it now than when he was younger at least. At slowing down, at _feeling everything._ He thinks it's the yoga that did it, made him aware of his fingers and toes and the tip of his nose in ways he never had been before. 

Erwin groans, and Levi hisses, "Shh, no, not yet." 

He watches Erwin's eyes roll and he lifts his chin again. Levi curls forward and kisses his neck. He tucks his chin, and Levi kisses him on the mouth, puts his hands in Erwin's hair and focuses only on the way their lips and tongues touch. 

Erwin turns his head when the baby monitor crackles and Farlan fusses. Levi grabs him by the chin and yanks him back. "No. No."

The monitor goes quiet and Levi puts his forehead to Erwin's. 

The hiss of the monitor breaks something though, cuts the relaxed focus Levi has been clinging to and he breathes out hard into the space under Erwin's jaw. " _Shit."_ He stills for a moment, body shaking, and it's Erwin who lifts his hips and tries to press Levi back. 

Farlan cries. A real cry, not the sleepy sort of mumble that tapers off after a second, and Levi curses again. When Erwin turns his head, Levi pleads, " _No."_

The crying stops. It will start again soon. _Very_ soon. But they still have a few minutes before they need to go to him. 

Erwin looks up at Levi a little helplessly and Levi smothers him with a kiss, jerks his hips and feels Erwin moan, and then they are both grasping at each other, pressing into and against one another with a sudden rapid desperation that has Levi coming in seconds and Erwin only a very short moment later.

He sprawls across Erwin's sweat drenched chest, unwilling to move or let him go, just as Farlan starts to cry again. Erwin squeezes him back and then taps him, wordlessly urges him to roll away so Erwin can tend to the baby. 

"I'll do it," Levi sighs. Farlan shouldn't still be waking up like this, not at nearly two years old. Levi is afraid they will need to see a specialist soon, but then Farlan will go two whole weeks without waking up or having a nightmare and Levi will finally start to relax, only for _this_ to happen again.

"No, stay," Erwin tells him. He tosses Levi a packet of baby wipes so Levi can clean himself up a little, and then pulls on underwear and a robe. 

Levi listens to him tiptoe down the hall to the nursery while he waits for his heart rate to fall. Exhaustion washes over him. He turns his head and finds it's barely eleven o' clock, but it has been a long week. He flops onto his stomach, blankets tangled around his waist, and then jerks when his phone rings. 

It's the hospital, and Levi's heart sinks when he sees. He is too exhausted to go in tonight-- he's not even on call. 

"Hello?"

"Hey." Levi is surprised to hear Petra's voice. In that one word he can tell how tired she is. 

"Petra? Hey. What's up?"

Petra launches into a breathless explanation that makes Levi screw his eyes shut. He is trying to parse it all out when Erwin comes back in the room, carrying Farlan in the crook of his arm. He makes a face at Levi, and Levi holds up his hand. 

"Yeah. Yeah, okay. I'll be right there." 

Erwin's face falls. Levi hangs up the phone. 

"We gotta go," Levi says, jolting out of bed and throwing himself at his dresser. 

"We?" Erwin says. "What's going on?"

"I dunno," Levi mutters. "Petra was going a mile a minute. They need an emergency placement for some kids found at a... a crime scene." 

Erwin's brows lift. "Jesus." 

"She didn't give me the details, she just said they need a place for these boys to stay and could we help." 

"Why us," Erwin asks. He lays Farlan on the bed so he can get dressed and Farlan immediately roles onto his stomach and starts crawling for Levi. 

"I dunno," Levi says. He tugs on a black thermal shirt and jeans, pausing only long enough to put Farlan in the middle of the bed so he doesn't fall off the edge. "She said they were about Isabel's age, and they asked her if anyone on the staff could give them a place to stay while they try to find next of kin." 

Erwin is still getting dressed when Levi goes down the hall to wake Isabel. She is sleeping deeply, and she blinks furiously at him when he turns the light on. 

"Wake up, kiddo, we gotta go for a drive." 

She groans at him and pulls her covers up over her head. 

"Come on," Levi tells her. "You can stay in your PJs, you just gotta put shoes on." 

" _Ugh, why?"_ she demands sounding more like a thirteen year old than a five year old. 

"There's some kids at the hospital that Aunt Petra wants us to take care of. We gotta go pick them up. They need our help." 

"What kids?" 

"I dunno, baby, it sounds like their mommy and daddy might have gotten hurt. Why don't you bring some toys to share? They're probably gonna be kinda scared, so I want you to help them, okay?"

Isabel glares at him, blue eyes blazing, but still says, "Fine," and rolls out of her bed. "I wanna wear my pink boots!"

Levi narrows his eyes. "Okay, I don't think this is a pink boots kinda excursion--"

"I _want_ them!" 

"Fine, wear your fucking boots," Levi snaps. "Just hurry up while we get your brother ready." 

"Potty mouth!" she sings after him as he walks away. 

Erwin pokes his head out in the hallway long enough to call, " _Good girl!"_

Levi glares at him. "Don't encourage her." 

"Don't cuss at our kindergardener," Erwin counters. 

Levi flips him off.

 

Forty minutes later, the group of them bustles through the halls of the hospital. Erwin has a sleeping Farlan tucked into a sling across his chest so he is free to hold Isabel's hand, except she insisted on walking on his right, so now she's hanging onto his prosthetic index finger for dear life. 

She's wearing pink sequined cowboy boots with her violently purple footy pajamas and red winter coat and no amount of reasoning could convince her that some sneakers would have done just fine. She's also got a blue and pink back pack stuffed with toys flung on her back, and her kinky curls are a riot since Levi hadn't had time to fix her hair before they rushed out of the house; Erwin, lacking two fully functional hands, wasn't much help in that department and once they'd realized Isabel had thick, luxurious curls, it had fallen to Levi to figure out just how to deal with them. He'd put her hair in pigtail braids before she went to sleep, but one of the rubber bands he'd used had broken in the night and now only half her head is still braided. 

Petra is waiting for them outside the ICU waiting room, looking anxious. The lights in the waiting room are dim and Levi stares through the window on the door as they approach. 

Isabel rushes forward the second she sees Petra and holds her arms up. Petra smiles, trying to clear some of the anxiety from her face, and gives Isabel a hug. 

"Oh, look at you," she says around a squeeze. "Bigger every time I see you."

"I'm five now," Isabel informs her. 

"Those are some pretty cool boots."

"They're _pink,"_ Isabel insists. 

"Well, I wish they made those in my size," Petra tells her with a smile. She straightens up and looks at Levi. "Thanks for coming."

"What's going on?" Erwin asks quietly, left hand wrapped around Farlan's back. 

Petra lowers her voice. "Police picked them up," she whispers while Isabel stares at her. "Mom's here," she says, jerking her head behind her toward the ICU. "Uh. Dad did it. He's in custody, no where for the kids to stay."

Levi pulls a face. "Shit."

"Yeah. Two of them. We haven't gotten much out of them. Just their names. Anthony-- he's four, he says, and Adrian. Looks like he's about Farlan's age," she says nodding at Erwin.

"They were _home_ when it happened?" Erwin hisses. 

Petra nods grimly. "Cops found them hiding in a closet. They won't say much. We just need a safe place for them to stay for a few days while they find next of kin."

"We're happy to help," Erwin says with a smile. 

Petra nods. "Thanks, Erwin. I just need one of you to talk to the social worker." Petra points to where the social worker is standing by the nurses’ station.

"Yeah, I'll handle it," Erwin says. He looks at Levi. "You go." And he jerks his head toward the waiting room door. "Come on, angel," he says, holding out his right hand for Isabel. 

She shakes her head. "No, I wanna stay with Dad." 

"No, we need to leave Dad alone for a minute, okay? Come on." Isabel opens her mouth to argue, but Erwin gives her the _look_ and she rolls her eyes (fuck how does she know how to do that already?) and follows him. 

"Mom gonna make it?" Levi asks Petra. 

Petra grimaces. "My professional opinion is that we can't be sure of anything at the moment; we need to wait for the swelling to go down. But. Personally?" Petra shakes her head. "I don't think she's waking up."

"Fuck. What happened?" 

"They're still piecing it all together. But she's got severe blunt force trauma to the head and chest."

"Did they see it?" Levi asks.

"I think the older one did," Petra answers. "The little one was asleep when they found them. But like I said, we haven't been able to get them to say much." Levi stuffs his hands in his pockets and stares at the waiting room door. Petra shrugs a little, and opens it for him. 

The lights are dim. Someone has brought in a few toys from the pediatric ward. Two little boys are sitting on the floor playing demurely, but Levi can tell their hearts aren't in it. The older one is talking in a quiet voice to the younger one, who Levi can already tell is tired and fussy. They both look up when Levi comes in and for one moment, he finds himself frozen and reeling. What the _fuck_ is he doing here? He's not a _kid_ person, fuck, even his own kids are barely normal children. Farlan talks like a child twice his age and everyone always thinks Isabel is an only child because she knows how to talk to adults. 

These boys need _help_ and Levi has no idea why he thinks he can give it to them. 

The older one stares at him and his eyes are huge and gray and empty. Levi sits down and says a little too gruffly, "Hey."

The boy-- Anthony, Petra said-- just looks down and moves a car around on the carpet. 

"I'm Levi. What's your name?"

"Tony," he says. 

"This your brother?"

"That's Andy. His real name’s Adrian. But mama calls him Andy." 

"That's a nice name," Levi says a little awkwardly. People say that to Isabel sometimes and Levi can tell she thinks they’re idiots, but it still makes her smile a little. 

"Do you know why you’re here, Tony?" Levi asks quietly. Andy shoves a toy telephone across the floor and then crawls after it. 

Tony looks at his car. "My dad hit my mom. She's sick now." 

"Yeah," Levi says. "Did you see what happened?" 

Tony shakes his head. He's so small, but his eyes are so big. "Mama told me to take Andy and hide in the closet and not to come out no matter what."

Levi shifts a little. He’s sitting, as Isabel would say, _Criss Cross Applesauce!_ and he feels off balance for a second. Tony quietly moves his toy car. 

Levi says, “When I was your age, my mom told me to hide in the closet too.” 

Tony finally looks up at him.

“She had some bad friends that she didn’t want me to be around. So she told me to hide when they came over.”

“Bad like my dad?”

“Some of ‘em.” 

Tony nods his little head and then shrugs his shoulders. “Did your mom die too?”

“Yeah,” Levi says. “She was sick though. No one hurt her.” He thinks he should point out that Tony’s mother isn’t actually dead yet, but. But he doesn’t. 

“Where’d you go?” Tony asks him.

Levi pauses. “I went to live with my uncle. Do you have an uncle you can stay with? Or a grandma maybe?” 

Tony shakes his head. “Just mama.”

Levi nods. He hadn’t really thought that would work, but it was worth a try. “You and your brother can stay with me then.” 

Tony looks at him. “Who are you?” he asks. 

“I’m a doctor here,” Levi tells him. “My husband and I have a little girl your age and a little boy your brother’s age. You can come stay with us for a while while they find your family. Would that be okay?” 

Tony wrinkles his nose and then he giggles. “You said husband.”

“Yep,” Levi says. “His name is Erwin. He’s a teacher.” Tony makes a face and then shrugs his shoulders again. Levi says, “Do you wanna meet my daughter? She brought toys.” 

“Okay,” Tony says. 

Levi gets up, glances at Andy, who has fallen asleep on the floor with his hand on a rattle, and then goes to the door. When he pokes his head out, he finds Isabel hanging from Erwin’s left hand while Erwin tries to talk to the social worker. Levi motions all three of them over. 

“Hey, Izzy, do you wanna come play?” 

“Sure!” she says brightly. He holds open the door, and watches for a second as Isabel toddles into the room and dumps her toys out on top of Tony’s car. 

“Did you get him talking?” the social worker asks a little anxiously. 

“Yeah,” Levi says. “A little. I don’t think he saw anything, thank fuck. Sounds like their mother put them in the closet when their father showed up. He, uh. Maybe heard stuff though.” Levi shrugs.

“Don’t press him,” the social worker says. “We don’t want to feed him any info,” she explains. “If the DA is gonna get any usable information out of him--”

“He’s a baby,” Levi says flatley. 

The social worker grimaces. “I know.” 

She asks them a few more questions. Eventually, they all go home. 

*

A weekend becomes a week. The boys’ mother dies quietly in the hospital, having never woken up. The social worker brings Erwin and Levi clothes and toys from her home. A blanket Tony has been asking for.

A week becomes a month. When Tony and Andy first came to stay with them, Levi had put them both in Farlan’s room, and brought Farlan into the master bedroom with him and Erwin. But that’s not a sustainable model. They move Andy into Farlan’s room. Isabel gets her space back. And Tony gets a room of his own-- the guest room Erwin and Levi had been using for storage. 

A month becomes two. The social workers find next of kin, but nothing suitable. They make a deal with the father-- life with the possibility of parole in thirty years in exchange for his guilty plea. Erwin enrolls Tony and Andy in Farlan’s daycare. 

Two months becomes three and Tony admits he heard everything. 

Four. Six. Andy calls Erwin daddy at dinner. Erwin doesn’t correct him. 

The social worker keeps apologizing, and finally tells them they’ll put the boys in foster care. So Levi and Erwin become foster parents. There are home inspections and interviews, but the boys are already staying with them, and every time the social worker hints that they could be moved, Erwin raises hell. Kids this age, he explains, need stability. They need consistency. He doesn’t want them moved unless they are going to be adopted. 

They get a few inquiries on that. Or rather Andy does. Tony is too old. And he’s in therapy now, for nightmares, and bedwetting, and acting out in class. Erwin insists they can’t be separated. 

Levi doesn’t say anything at all; Erwin is loud enough for the both of them. 

Six months becomes a year. 

Becomes two. 

The four of them fight. Andy is a willful little shit, and he hides it with big doe eyes. He talks Farlan into stealing cookies, and putting glue in Isabel’s shoes, and flushing Erwin’s cell phone down the toilet. 

Tony helps Farlan and Andy learn to tie their shoes and gets in a fight when a bigger boy on the playground pushes Isabel off the swings. He still sees his therapist every two weeks, but. No more nightmares. Mostly. 

Levi comes home and sneaks up on Erwin to finds him perusing house listings. He’s looking at houses Levi has only ever dreamed of owning, in the next town over where the school system is one of the best in the state, and the taxes are higher, and the commute would be a little longer. He’s looking at neighborhoods with swimming pools and playgrounds and private golf courses. He’s searching “5+ bedrooms, 5+ baths” and Levi opens his mouth to tell Erwin there’s _no way_ they can afford that, when he glances at the listing prices and realizes with a splash of cold down his back that. Yeah. They can. 

Erwin has already traded in his sporty sedan for a minivan. 

They can do this too. Can’t they? 

Levi sits down heavily on the chair in the study and that’s when Erwin finally realizes he’s there. His face flashes with guilt when he sees the expression Levi is wearing. 

Levi shakes his head without saying anything. 

Erwin stands up and comes to sit on the couch beside Levi and he puts his left hand in Levi’s hair. Levi feels like someone is standing on his chest. 

“They’re in purgatory,” Erwin says quietly, voice _so serious,_ and--

“I know,” Levi says. But they’re _safe_ here--

“Levi.”

Levi nods dazedly without looking at him. 

“ _Nothing_ will change. Not really.”

That’s a lie. Everything will change. 

“We have to talk to Isabel and Farlan,” Levi says so he doesn’t have to think about himself. They can’t-- they _can’t_ make this kind of decision without consulting their babies. They can’t. 

Erwin smiles at him. “Farlan doesn’t remember what it was like before,” Erwin explains. That’s true. Farlan and Andy both have _no_ recollection--

They’re the only fathers Andy has ever known. Fuck, Levi isn’t even sure Farlan knows the difference-- knows that legally Isabel is his sister and Andy and Tony aren’t his brothers. Andy might not know either. 

Levi thinks of someone taking them away. A new family. A better family, even, with a bigger house, and better jobs, and, shit, a dog or some fuck, and--

No. 

No. 

_No._

“I talked to Isabel already.”

“You did _what?”_ Levi demands. That’s _not_ something Erwin should have done on his own. 

“I didn’t tell her anything,” Erwin says quickly. “I asked her. I asked her if she understood that they weren’t her brothers like Farlan is. She says ‘yes, they are.’ And I asked her if she knew that some nice family could adopt them and she said we should.”

Levi swallows. Of course she did. It was so _easy_ for children, she had _no idea--_

Erwin moves his hand to Levi’s knee and squeezes. Then he gets up and pulls something from his bag. It’s a packet of papers. Erwin’s already filled out all the bits that he can. 

Levi’s head starts to spin. 

“When did you get these?”

“Few months ago,” Erwin admits. 

Levi swallows past the lump in his throat and looks for a pen. 

*

They decide not to make a big deal about it. They finalize everything, make sure _nothing_ can fall through. There are home inspections and parenting classes they _have_ to take and paperwork, paperwork, paperwork. Since the boys are wards of the state, there will be a small stipend from the government to help with their care. They are already getting that as foster parents, and they don’t actually need it, so Erwin sets up two savings accounts instead; one for each of them.

And they start to look for a new house. 

And one day, suddenly, everything is finalized. There is nothing more they should wait on. No more secrets to keep. They will close on the house next week. It is the middle of summer and school doesn’t starts again for two months. Plenty of time to move and get settled. 

Erwin makes Tony’s favorite dinner and Andy’s favorite dessert and he doesn’t even scold them when Farlan and Andy pull Isabel’s pigtails until she screams and throws her fork at one of them. Levi has to tell them to knock it the fuck off; Erwin is too busy just _smiling._

When they start in on dessert, Erwin says, “Kids, we have something special we need to tell you.” 

Levi’s stomach is in knots. Because he hates kids. He’s always hated kids. But he loves these ones _so much_ not a day goes by that he doesn’t think they deserve better than he can give them. 

And Tony and Andy. They _need more_. Tony does at least. Tony, who remembers hearing his mother murdered, who is quiet and stoic and never fights with the others, who takes his role as big brother _very_ seriously and watches out for Isabel even though she is older and can, for a seven year old, pretty effectively take care of herself. Tony, who sneaks downstairs very quietly when he has had a nightmare and climbs onto the couch beside Levi without saying anything and watches movies he is probably too young for until Levi goes to bed and tucks him back in. He usually doesn’t wake back up on those nights. 

They deserve _everything,_ everything good in the world, everything Levi never had, and lots of things Erwin didn’t have either. 

Erwin looks at Levi and he is. God, he is _so happy._ He feels none of this. He has no idea how selfish Levi feels for taking them all for himself. All five of them. Every day. 

Of course, Erwin is good enough for them. Erwin is the best thing in this world, second only, maybe, to the four very sticky children currently staring at him. _Our family._

Erwin takes a breath and Levi knows he is nervous, all of a sudden. He opens his mouth and nothing comes out, and he looks at Levi a little helplessly. Levi can see tears in his eyes. Shit. _Shit._

“You brats have been here for two years,” Levi says waving his hand at Tony and Andy. “So we figured it was about time we fucking adopt you.”

Erwin gives him a _look,_ probably for cursing in front of the kids, or calling them brats, but then he looks at Tony and Andy and adds, “If you’ll have us.” 

Farlan _whoops,_ and looks at Andy and says, “That means you’ll be my _real_ brother, right?” 

Andy says, “So we can play playstation together _forever?”_

Erwin laughs and says, “Yes.” 

Isabel looks at them all a little quizzically and then says, “Fine. When can I have a sister?” 

Tony’s head thumps against the table and he starts sobbing. 

The other three kids look at him in shock. Erwin starts forward, but he is on the other side of the table. Levi pulls Tony’s chair out and swings it to face him, and before he can say anything, Tony has thrown his arms around Levi’s shoulders, and buried his face in Levi’s neck. Levi turns and looks at Erwin a little helplessly, and when he stands up, he takes Tony with him. Tony wraps his legs around Levi’s waist and _squeezes_ his neck. He won’t let go. 

That’s fine. Levi doesn’t mind.


End file.
